Between Life and Death
by Mac Mofam
Summary: [Missing Scene in 1x01 'The Rising'] The canon never really told us much about what had happened between Mac being shot in Italy and the main events of 'The Rising', so this is my version of what had happened.
1. Chapter 1

**Published: 6/10/2018 11:25**

 **Hi everyone! This is actually my very first FanFic, so lots of space for improvement!**

 **I'm a newly registered newbie (okay, not** _ **that**_ **new), but to be honest, I've been reading MacGyver's FanFic for about a year, and I am very impressed by how good you guys write! This FanFic's idea has already been in my head since I've watched 1x01** _ **The Rising**_ **, and finally, I have the courage (and time) to sign up an account and write/publish it! Yeah!**

 **To some of you, this story may seem more like an AU than a tag. Anyway. *Smile***

 **Short summary of related scenes in** _ **The Rising**_ **: The DXS team had to infiltrate a party to steal a bioweapon in Italy. Mac was then forced to give it to John Kendrick in exchange for Nikki, who was being held hostage by him. Mac gave up the weapon, but Kendrick shot Nikki in the chest.**

 **I hope the characters are not too Out Of Character.**

 **My Bio is under construction. I'll tell you guys when it's done and please make sure to drop by and read it. Thanks!**

 **Also, here're my thoughts on 3x01** _ **Improvise**_ **(Spoiler's Alert):**

 **Okay, so my first impression of Mac was 'OMG Mac's got a weird beard that makes him look at least 10 years older', and later on I'm really, really glad he shaved it off. I literally rolled my eyes when his dad said he looked good with that beard. Bah.**

 **And, uh… I'm going to be honest with this part: I'm very, very disappointed with the fact that Mac hadn't bought himself a new Swiss Army Knife ever since he had lost the one Jack had given him in the Season 2 finale. When James offered a new one, I couldn't believe he didn't accept it! Dammit, just because it was from your father doesn't mean you stop bringing a knife with you! I mean, the Swiss Army Knife is an icon of MacGyver, and I can't believe that the producer decided he doesn't need it! (Sorry if this offended anyone. I'm too upset by this.)**

 **As for Nasha… I don't know much about her, so I won't judge whether she suits Mac or not now. But, if Mac joins the Phoenix again, she'll be in grave danger. The bad guys will definitely use her as a hostage to force Mac to do something he'll no doubt regret later. (I'm not jinxing… *immediately touch wood* but it'll happen some day.)**

 ***End of Spoiler***

 **All in all, I'll still watch the second episode tomorrow at some time around 1:15a.m., and I seriously hope it'll be much better and Mac will at least have a new Swiss Army Knife with him again.**

 **Disclaimer (applies to all chapters): I do not own** _ **MacGyver**_ **. This show belongs to its rightful owners, and neither do I get any benefits from writing/publishing this. This is purely for my, and maybe also for your, pleasure.**

 **Warning (applies to all chapters): Mention of injuries, blood and a bit about death, but nothing too graphic. Also some bad language – but it depends on how you define 'bad language'.**

 **Please leave a review/comment!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"No!"

Mac yelled as he sprang forward, hand outstretched, as if it would magically lengthen and grab Nikki from the possible fate she was falling into. The world suddenly stretched into slow motion, seemingly mocking his inability to save her.

He watched as she fell backwards into the lake, her face twisted with pain and surprise. No matter how hard Mac kicked himself mentally to run faster, it felt as if he was just running through honey, forcing him to watch the only woman he'd ever loved that much disappear right in front of him.

 _BANG._

The sound seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once, echoing in the air, and before Mac could comprehend it, he felt the force of a freight train travelling at at least 100 km/h slam into his chest. Pain exploded like millions of mini grenades going off at once, aborting the yell of shock and pain that was already in his throat.

The impact force pushed him backwards, towards the lake. He saw Kendrick smirking at him, gun still raised and smoking. Mac suddenly realized what had just happened, quite belatedly.

He was shot.

He felt his feet lose grip on solid ground. He was airborne for barely half a second before plummeting to the dark water below.

The last thing he saw was the star-filled Italian sky.

* * *

Someone was tugging him.

He felt their cold fingers brushing against his cheek, forcing their way into his nose and mouth.

 _Water._

Mac's eyes snapped open at the word, but he immediately shut them close as they stung.

As he slowly came back to his senses, he started to panic since water continued to rush into his lungs. He realized he couldn't breathe at all. Bubbles streamed out of his mouth as he struggled to reach the surface, to reach _air_.

Then all of a sudden pain hit him.

Mac gasped, water running into his nose and mouth like vicious beasts. Then he felt the immediate rush of adrenaline fueling his weakening muscles and dulling the pain slightly. He managed to push his way to the surface with some struggle and took in a lungful of sweet air, which was actually more water than air as small waves lapped his face. He coughed out water and wheezed heavily, each breath clawing its way down his sore throat.

He noticed the strong metallic taste of the water and the slight tinge of red in the water surrounding him. His right hand instinctively flew to his chest, memories of what had happened floating back to his slowly clouding mind.

Nikki.

He had forgotten about her.

"Nikki!" he yelled, ignoring to tremendous amount of pain it caused. "Nik…" he broke out coughing, his whole body going numb from it. He instantly felt lightheaded.

He figured shouting with all the strength he had left was useless if he couldn't make it back to the shore. He wouldn't be able the save her if he passed out or drowned.

He started paddling, survival instincts kicking in – only to realize he didn't have any energy to. Blood continued to flow out of his wound like endless rivers.

He took in a shaky breath as he felt himself sinking from the lack of movement and the fact that he was vertical in water, a position that was less buoyant than being horizontal. All effects to keep his head above water failed. The lake seemed to be eager to engulf him whole, pulling him into its churning currents.

Where was Jack when he needed him most? It wasn't until now he realized his dependence on that man. Jack was always beside him, watching his back, but now –

He couldn't think further anymore. Fighting the water currents alone was tiring enough he couldn't spare any strength to even just _think_. Water continued to bite his wound, like thousands of bugs gnawing, eating him alive.

He was losing his battle with nature. And fate.

Every single bit of strength was seeped out from him along with the blood. Water agitated his raw throat, but it was heaven compared to the bouts of pain from his chest.

He felt himself growing weak from the pain, consciousness slipping. Maybe he should just give up and drown.

 _Nikki._

The word popped out of nowhere, picking up his diminishing trails of thoughts. She was shot, probably fighting for dear life in the lake, yet he was thinking about giving up. What sort of boyfriend was he if he couldn't save her, or at least die trying? He had to go up, to find her, but he had no idea which way was _up_. He lost the sense of direction completely. Everywhere seemed to be _down_.

But he had to – to –

Pain.

Water going into his lungs.

Nikki, he had to save her. He needed to –

Blood.

Couldn't hold on anymore.

Nikki.

It was all his fault. If he hadn't taken Kendrick's word –

As the currents continued to drag him down into the murky depths of the lake, they also started to suck away his remaining thoughts and consciousness. However, he latched onto one word, as if it would somehow save him. He had never put so much hope and faith into it, yet now he was, repeating it over and over again in his head and hoping it would lead him back to safety.

Somewhere far away he thought he heard his name being called.

 _Jack._


	2. Chapter 2

**Published: 12/10/2018 18:53**

 **Chapter 2! *Cheering and screaming and yelling and clapping in the background***

 **Hello again guys! Thanks for ALL the reviews, favourites and follows for both my first story (chapter, actually) and me! They really make my day and encourage me to continue to write! Also a big shout-out to everyone who has read the story! Thanks!**

 **I have reposted Chapter one for a very, very minor mistake. It won't affect the story, so don't worry.**

 **Sorry for the updates and deletes** **– still figuring how to use the upload system.**

 **Here's a bit of my thoughts on 3x02** _ **Bravo Lead + Loyalty + Friendship**_ **(Spoiler's Alert):**

 **Oh dear. I can't believe Jill was killed. By Murdoc, of all people. She hadn't appeared in the episodes much, but I quite like her. She was funny – and probably the only person in the Phoenix who can understand Mac's 'geek talk'. Oh god. *Sob***

 **Okay, so Mac rejoined the Phoenix, he got a new Swiss Army Knife (wondering if it was the one his dad had been trying to give him :) ), and there'll probably be a Honduras's Day, when Jack and his Delta Force buddies (and also Mac) take a day off, be together and drink a few beers.**

 **That pretty much sums up the important parts of the episode.**

 ***End of spoiler***

 **You're all welcome to tell me in the review what you think about Season 3.**

 **This chapter's bit shorter. Still, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Consciousness slowly returned to Jack. He blinked a while, trying to clear his jumbled thoughts, then pushed himself up, groaning as pain laced through his head. He remembered the mission, and Nikki being held hostage... He grunted a bit, his hand feeling for the bump on his head tentatively. He was sure he had a concussion, and his head would definitely hurt like hell for the next few days.

He stood up slowly, trying not to worsen the pain and fighting down the nausea as he looked around.

The only thing he saw was the DXS van. No Kendrick or his men. No Nikki. No bioweapon. No Mac.

 _Mac._

 _Where is he?_

Jack shuddered at the thought that his two partners had been taken away by Kendrick. Or worse – killed and dumped into the lake beyond.

 _That's stupid. They can't be dead. Especially Mac. The boy can always find a way out, because he was... well,_ Mac _._

"Mac!" he shouted. No reply. Not good.

He reached for his earpiece only to find it wasn't there. Jack cursed, thinking that it must have been knocked out when he hit the floor. He should really go suggesting Patty to develop better earpieces, especially ones that didn't suddenly break into statics when he needed it the most. He crouched down and felt around the ground, half-expecting to find the tiny devise. He sighed. Apparently luck wasn't at his side today.

He straightened up, making the mistake of doing it to fast. Sparks of pain flew through his head and he had to swallow to keep the nausea at bay.

"Mac! Nikki!" he called again, but what answered his was still silence.

He tried to calm himself down, telling himself that his teammates were safe, but he highly doubted it.

He was fishing for his phone to call for help when his ears suddenly perked up at the faint splashes coming from the lake's direction. He was probably too occupied by his thoughts to hear it earlier.

He immediately reached for his Beretta in his holster, but felt nothing.

''Damn it!'' Jack cursed again. His gun was also gone. Definitely taken away by Kendrick, or his minions. Those bastards.

He swiftly but quietly made his way towards the lake.

He looked over the edge of the pier. He caught sight of something white in the water, then it started to sink. Wait... he thought he saw something blond.

He instantly knew what that was. Or rather, _who_.

"Mac!" he shouted, as if the kid could hear him.

Jack's breath hitched as he saw the waters around the boy were stained red.

 _Blood._

He immediately peeled off his suit jacket, which would make him heavier in water, and dove into the lake without as much as second thought. The cool water lessened his headache a bit. He swam towards the kid, who was obviously drowning, and grabbed him just as he was about to disappear into the water for good.

He pulled Mac to the surface, and froze at the astounding sight in front of him.

Mac's face was ghastly white and he was unconscious. Blood covered most of his shirt front, glistening in the weak light from the street lights above. There was a particularly dark spot on his chest, far too near his heart.

Jack frantically checked for the kid's pulse while swimming back towards the shore. At first he didn't feel anything, and he almost broke into a panic attack. But then he managed to calm himself down and finally felt it – a too weak and fast pulse, also very erratic. _Damn it._ Jack's heart, on the other hand, was beating so loud and steady he was sure anyone passing by could hear it. The only problem was nobody seemed to be around to help them. It wasn't even that late that people would already be at home. It didn't matter now, though.

Then he noticed something wrong about the boy just as he reached the edge of the pier.

He wasn't breathing.

Jack would have had a panic attack right on the spot if it wasn't for the thought that it would only delay his time to save Mac, and they would probably drown together. He collected himself quickly and hauled the kid out of the water to the gravel floor above, trying to ignore the amount of blood dripping into the water and onto his face. The kid also felt impossibly light, and the thought that he had actually always been that way throughout his life definitely didn't make Jack feel any better.

He pulled himself out shakily, trying to shrug off the heavy feeling in his gut. He found his jacket and draped it over Mac, who was already trembling all over.

He tilted the kid's head and started Rescue Breathing directly.

 _Come on, kid, breathe… please…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Published: 25/10/2018 18:27**

 **Sorry for the super-long wait! Life's been hectic recently, especially with a test approaching (next week, to be more specific). I'm sneaking time to write, and it really** _ **is**_ **difficult.**

 **Anyway, here's Chapter 3. Enjoy!**

* * *

Something was forcing its way into Mac's mouth, into his lungs.

His body seemed to be craving it, taking it gratefully.

A second later he was suddenly coughing his guts out. He felt something roll him over to his side, and he started throwing up what his brain sluggishly registered as water. He spat and coughed and gasped until his throat hurt, and tiredness again pulling him back down into unconsciousness.

Then noises began penetrating through the fog in his head, making him slightly awake.

 _No, not merely noises. They're voices. Someone was talking – talking to_ me _._

Mac groaned and moved a little, trying to get away from the deep voice as far as possible, though it sounded vaguely familiar. He tried to figure out what the man – he was quite sure it was a man's voice – was saying, but couldn't even make out a syllable. The sound was distant, like his head was wrapped in layers of thick blankets.

He concentrated on the voice, though it was starting to prove difficult as the first trails of pain began seeping into his body. The pain grew until it was making him hard to breathe. He wheezed painfully, each breath needing immense power and will to do it.

"…eathe, Mac, breathe. Come on, buddy, follow me, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in…"

Words suddenly came into focus, though Mac still couldn't understand a word the man was saying. Again the voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't match it with a name.

Then it struck him as another wave of pain whacked through his body.

"Ja… ck?" Mac whispered, trying futilely to hide the palpable weakness in his voice. He slowly cracked his eyes open. Everything was blurry and out of focus, and he tried to blink away the black spots obscuring his vision.

"You nearly scared me to death, buddy. How're you feelin'?" came Jack's reply.

Mac instantly felt relieved upon hearing the soothing, calm voice. So Jack was okay, then. He tried to say something, but didn't have the strength to. He decided to just try staying awake. Focus on his partner's words.

Barely ten seconds later an awful sensation began spreading inside his body. The pain came back to him at full force, and suddenly breathing felt impossible as his chest constricted, not allowing him to take in any air. He gaged, trying desperately to breathe. Then tiredness joined in, fogging the edges of the world around him, making the only thing he want to do was to sleep. _Perhaps that would lessen the pain a bit,_ he thought, allowing his eyes to drop close.

He felt a small tap on his cheek, and soft words drifting into his ears, words that were smeared all together again and becoming distant. Mac groaned. Why couldn't Jack just let him sleep? He was more tired than humanly possible.

Something warm touched his neck out of nowhere, although he had no idea what was the purpose of it. He ignored the touch. He felt himself starting to drift.

At that very moment there was a sudden increase in pressure on his chest, pain anew. A choking sound escaped his lips, and his eyes shot open. He squirmed under the firm hold of his partner – _what is he doing?_ – but couldn't even budge a millimetre. He decided to stop struggling almost instantly. He had to save energy for other tasks like keeping his eyes open and breathing.

And right now doing both of them was impossible.

Something was wrong about him. He could feel it – it was growing in his body, flowing from the most painful spot on his chest to his entire being. The pain started to ebb, only to be replaced by an ache that somehow felt a million times worse. His heartbeat tripled, his breathing hitched.

Memories – the mission – the two shots – they all came back. He saw Nikki being shot in right front of him, as if everything had backtracked and was replaying itself all over again. As if he wasn't already feeling bad enough.

He felt hollow and light, almost floating.

Then a thought occurred. _Is this what dying feels like?_ He was shot in the chest, and maybe the bullet had nicked his heart. Maybe it had also cracked one of his ribs and punctured his lung. Maybe that was why breathing was hard. Suddenly everything made sense, clicked into place.

He had to tell Jack what had happened to Nikki, and make sure he would find her. It was the only thing he could do now, but if it was the last thing he could do, at least it was better than lying here and waiting for death to come. He tried moving his mouth, mustering every single drop of energy left in him. The world was spinning, colours and sounds morphing together, making him dizzy. He fought back the urge to shut his eyes, knowing if he did, he wouldn't be able to reopen them again.

"Jack…" he began.

"I know, Mac. Just stop talking and… and breathe. Breathe, I know you can –"

"Jack." Mac interrupted. He was having a bad time understanding what his partner was talking about, and he didn't have any spare strength to try to understand it. However, he could hear the panic and fear bleeding into Jack's usually calm and collected voice. He must have also sensed that he was fading fast.

"Listen… to me, Jack…" he hadn't known that speaking could also be so difficult until now. "Nikki… she was… shot… fin…d her…" Mac's eyes started to droop against his will. He fought it, blinking furiously, trying to clear his darkening vision. It was getting harder to concentrate on his friend. His figure seemed to be wavering in and out of focus. "Find 'er…" he repeated, his speech slurring. The air around him suddenly felt cold, almost freezing. He shivered uncontrollably.

"Don't talk, Mac, please. Help is on the way. You are going to be okay, good as new. Just please stop –"

"'s not your… fault, Jack… i – if I die…" He didn't want to scare Jack with him giving up, letting death win, yet there was nothing he could do now. He felt tears leaking from his almost closed eyelids.

"Mac, don't you dare speaking all these crap to me. You're not going to die. You survived Cairo. You will live through this. Just shut up and stop being an idiot," Jack yelled, desperation evident in his voice.

Yet, desperate or not, nothing Jack said would save him now. Mac stared at him. He just wanted his last sight to be his friend, the best partner he had ever had in his life.

"Sorry…" he said, barely above a whisper. He literally felt it as his heart rate slowing, his breathing evening out.

Then he closed his eyes and surrendered to the darkness, allowing it to bring him away.

He was finally able to rest.

And it felt good.


	4. Chapter 4

**Published: 5/11/2018 18:54**

 **All the medical stuff came from either Wikipedia or other websites I trust, but since I'm no medical professional to determine its accuracy, sorry for any errors arisen. If you are the professional and spot some mistakes, please do point out! I'll try to correct them.**

 **And what better to tell you guys what I think about 3x04** _ **Guts + Fuel + Hope**_ **then here? *Smile* (Spoiler's Alert):**

 **Yup, as a Mac whump lover, I definitely hoped to get a bit of whump from this episode – especially near the end, when Mac entered the room in his makeshift 'armour'. But, well, since I haven't, I'm gonna write an AU about this – it'll have to wait until after I combed through every episode of** _ **MacGyver**_ **in Seasons 1 and 2 and chose a few episodes to write tags, though. If you like this idea, please feel free to tell me in the reviews!**

 **And a bit on 3x05** _ **Dia de Muertos + Sicarios + Family**_ **:**

 **Not much to talk about on this episode, but I especially like the scene when Mac had to jump from one building to another, and he took a brief moment to look down at the street below, probably his acrophobia kicking in. Wonderful.**

 **And, yes, the latest episode – 3x06** _ **Murdoc + MacGyver + Murdoc**_ **:**

 **Hmmm. Just like I have predicted (not jinxed. I repeat – not jinxed) in the Author's Note in Chapter 1. Nasha was kidnapped because of Mac – to be more specific,** _ **Mac's job**_ **. Is it better to leave her in the dark and live a life full of hidden dangers, or tell her about Mac's job (aka breaching national security) and live a life** _ **knowing**_ **the hidden dangers (the dangers are still there, of course)? That's a question worth discussing.**

 **By the way, I'm still wondering about the two 'Murdocs' thing in the title. Anyone here knows why?**

 ***End of Spoiler* (and blabbing)**

 **Hope you like this chapter!**

* * *

"Don't you dare, Mac, open your eyes!" Jack shouted, one hand pressing harder on the bloody wound, the other shaking Mac. When he received no response, not even a slight stir or a pained groan, he knew something was wrong.

He checked the kid's pulse and breathing, but felt nothing.

 _No, no, no, no, no. This isn't happening._

Jack felt his eyes well up with tears, blurring his vision, but he knew he didn't have time to cry. He immediately carried out CPR, and fell into the steady rhythm of compressing and ventilation.

"Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty," he counted, then leaned down and breathed twice into the kid's mouth.

He didn't know what to think about the whole situation. Bioweapon gone, Nikki gone with the possibility of being killed – he realized he hadn't even thought of looking for her, and now Mac.

He had never done CPR to Mac. Not even once. Although it wasn't the first time he had seen Mac's heart and breathing stop, it was his very first time to be the one saving the kid's life. The heaviness of responsibility made a tight knot in his stomach – the kid's life was now in his hands. If anything happened to Mac, he wouldn't forgive himself for the rest of his life.

He had reached Patricia and told he needed backup and an ambulance with his phone after Mac had woken up, and got the reply that both would arrive within ten minutes. But according to the current state Mac was in... He wasn't sure the kid could live till then.

How many minutes had passed since he had started CPR? Three? Four? Or just two? How many were left in Mac's life? He wouldn't die, would he? All these questions were whirling in his head, but he didn't have an answer to any one of them.

He still somehow hoped everything was just a horrible nightmare, and both he and Mac were safe in their own beds, sleeping soundly. Nevertheless, every time he squeezed his eyes shut then opened them, what met him was not his bedroom ceiling. It was still Mac, bleeding out under him, receiving seemingly endless CPR, impossibly pale, incredibly still, unmistakably dying.

The kid was already going into shock.

Although Jack had managed to slow down the blood flowing out from the wound, he knew shock was still inevitable. The kid had already lost too much blood since the bullet had pierced through his chest, shattered one or two of his rib bones along the way, and punctured his lung. All the while way too close to his heart.

He blinked away tears and focused on the kid. Mac's face was wanner than a ghost's, and a few drops of lake water and possibly sweat were rolling down his temples. He didn't fail to notice the ever-growing puddle of crimson beneath the kid either.

Inhaling deeply, he compressed more fervently than before, hoping it wasn't already too late to save him.

 _Where the hell is the ambulance?_

Just as he was about to breathe into Mac's mouth again, the boy suddenly twitched and a weak cough escaped his lips. He then started wheezing. It wasn't enough to reassure Jack, but he would take this any day than not breathing. He checked the kid's pulse, and was beyond relieved to find a thready one throbbing under his quivering fingers. He smiled – but it was short-lived. The kid wasn't out of the woods yet. In fact, he was still anywhere but safe.

Now that Mac could maintain his life himself, Jack decided to turn his attention to something equally important – stopping more blood from coming out of the gunshot wound. He fished out Mac's Swiss Army Knife from his side pocket, thanking God it wasn't lost in the water or taken away. He sliced off both sleeves of the suit currently covering the boy. Carefully removing the mantle and peeling off the fully-soaked clothes from the kid, he balled one of the sleeves and pressed it onto the wound. After that he flipped his partner over into the recovery position and checked for an exit wound. There weren't one. Good, that meant less blood loss. The bullet was probably lodged into his shoulder blade.

After what felt like hours and a few more strips of cloth pressed into the wound, he finally, _finally_ heard the high-pitched siren of an ambulance and the low roar of car engines. He didn't even bother to look at the approaching vehicles, just concentrated on his unconscious partner. He was eventually pushed away by paramedics, and they had to literally pry his fingers off their patient to do their thing.

Jack, just as always, insisted on being on the ambulance with the kid while brushing off a paramedic trying to check on him.

"Sir, we have to confirm you're okay before letting you in," the medic said, annoyance colouring his voice.

Jack was about to protest when someone behind him talked.

"Let him, Jack."

He immediately tensed, feeling his hackles stand up. He knew exactly who that was, and that he wouldn't like the consequences of disobeying his boss. _Really, Patty has the stealth of a snake. I didn't even hear her coming._ He turned to Thornton, who had her arms crossed and was looking at him disapprovingly.

Jack held up his hands in defeat.

"Fine, alright. Nothing serious, nothing permanent, just a mild concussion. Happy now?" he said, more to Patty than to the medical staff.

Thornton didn't say anything. Instead she just turned and walked away, barking a few orders to the TAC team and paramedics on the way.

Jack looked around as he impatiently waited for his paramedic to finish checking. He strained his eyes, trying to see what was going on in his partner's direction.

Mac had already been loaded onto the ambulance, an oxygen mask secured on his face. He was also hooked to a heart monitor, and Jack swore he could almost hear the irregular beeping of it.

"...else?" someone beside him asked, startling him. It was the paramedic.

"Uh, yes?"

"Do you feel nauseous or lightheaded? Anything else?" the medic repeated, obviously irritated.

"No, nothin'," he lied. He wasn't going to waste time on this. The headache was bad, but that would pass. Within days. On the other hand, Mac was the one the paramedics should pay more attention to.

The man's eyebrows knotted together, clearly not believing him a single bit. But he seemed to know better than to argue with Jack. He jotted down a few notes onto the clipboard, then waved his hand. "You're good to go."

"Thanks," Jack muttered. He started racing towards the ambulance, arriving there just as a medical staff was closing the back door.

"Wait! Wait, I'm going with him," Jack shouted. He couldn't care less if he sounded like a helicopter parent right now.

The medic ushered him onto the car, shut the door, and the ambulance immediately started moving.

Jack sat down on the edge of the seat, his eyes glued to the kid as he shifted uncomfortably. Paramedics whirled around their patient, checking devices and monitors and hooking more I.V. lines and tubes and stuff to Mac.

He tried to calm himself, tell himself that the boy was in good hands, that he was going to live, going to be good as new, but somehow he had a feeling this was going to be quite a long battle.

He really shouldn't have thought about that.

Barely a second later, a high-pitched, monochromatic sound filled the ambulance.


	5. Chapter 5

**Published: 21/11/2018 22:54**

 **It's been more than two weeks since my last update! Sorry for the wait! (Hope you haven't given up waiting!)**

 **This is actually the longest chapter yet, so it took me some time to write.**

 **To BapBapBap28: Thank you for your reply to my question about whether I should write an AU for 3x04** _ **Guts + Fuel + Hope**_ **! I will definitely start on it once I've got time.**

 **Anyhoo, I would like to clarify the following points regarding this chapter:**

 **1\. Again, I'm not a medical pro, so sorry for any mistakes related to medical stuff.**

 **2\. I really don't know how hospitals work, especially those in Italy. I wrote based on my research and experiences (and reading).**

 **3\. And I don't know much about Italian. I tried my best in doing some research (mostly relying on several translation websites) on this language. But don't worry – I didn't write much of the conversation in Italian, just a few words. If there are mistakes, please do tell me. :)**

 **Here're my comments on 3x08** _ **Revenge + Catacombs + Le Fantome**_ **(Spoiler's Alert):**

 **This is so far the best episode in Season 3! We've got another trouble solved (the Ghost)** _ **and**_ **some Mac whump. Wohoo! A different problem has risen though – where has Eileen gone to and what she's up to? I'm sure there will be episodes regarding her later on in the series.**

 ***End of Spoiler***

 **Hope everyone is in-character.**

 **Oh, and one more thing. I've added a new character to the story, but I'll make sure to include why he/she left the team.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Jack had been pacing in the waiting room for almost an hour now. He had been circling what small space there was in the room. Sure, his muscles ached and his head throbbed, but the night's events kept replaying in his head over and over again – especially when the already irregular fluctuant line on the heart monitor turned absolutely flat on the ambulance, and the shrill, eardrum-splitting squeal that followed instantly – and moving constantly was the only thing he could think of to do to get rid of it. So far it hadn't done anything.

He hated not being able to do anything when the kid was hurt and fighting for his dear life. It was the worst torture to ever come to existence.

There wasn't anyone else in the room apart from the middle-aged couple that arrived around half an hour ago, right about when Philip Hemsworth, another field agent who had rushed to Italy from another mission on the very second he had got the message that Mac was shot, went to the lake to see if he could help and grab some food for a very late dinner.

Jack had overheard snippets of conversation exchanged between the couple and the nurse (in Italian, of course – though he had to admit his Italian was quite rusty), and got the general idea of what had made the couple come to the hospital at this time of the day – their son had been involved in a serious car crash.

Out of his peripheral view, he saw the mother reading a thick book, although her mind didn't seem to be on the story – she had hardly turned a page since she had flipped it open. The father, on the other hand, was leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees. His fingers were touched, except for his index ones, which were circling around each other. A typical gesture of showing his nervousness and worry.

Jack could somehow relate his feelings to the father.

He was rounding his oblong circle when the door to the waiting room swung open. He stopped in his tracks and looked up. In strode Patty with her usual stern face and 'I am the boss' gesture, but he something about her had softened – he could tell it from her eyes. The defiant in there was gone, replaced by genuine concern.

She walked towards Jack and sat down onto the couch he was standing next to. He followed suit and slumped down into the cold leather with a sigh.

"Anything on how's the surgery going?" Patty asked.

"No, nothin'," he replied, yawning. He hadn't realized he was this tired until he had sat down and allowed himself to rest. The initial adrenaline coursing through his veins and making him highly alert was crashing.

They were both quiet for a few seconds.

"How about your side? Found anything by the lake?" He was going to say 'in the lake', but reconsidered it.

'No' was his boss's curt answer. Probably knowing Jack wouldn't let her go that easy though, she added, "I've sent a few TAC teams to cover up literally the whole city – to make sure they won't leave the country. No news so far,"

Jack hummed. "Phil arrived, right?"

"Agent Hemsworth? Yes, around fifteen minutes ago, when I was about to leave. There wasn't much he could help with, however, so I told him to buy you dinner – figured you probably haven't had it,"

"Thanks." Now that Patty mentioned it, he finally felt the hunger. He hadn't eaten anything since lunch.

"So… Nikki was shot?"

"How did you… oh, I'm sorry. I've forgotten to tell you that. Phil did, right? I've filled him in when he arrived. And, yeah, according to Mac, Nikki was shot. Maybe fell into the lake. I don't know," Jack stifled another yawn. Damn, he was tired.

They continued in silence.

A glance up at the large white clock on the wall at the far end of the room told him it was already 22:06, and still he hadn't got any news from anyone on how the surgery was going, how the kid's condition was, or whether he would live at all. Nothing. Just endless waiting and musing and worrying.

Jack felt his eyelids grow heavy. He fought back the fatigue, telling himself he had to stay awake to get news on Mac. That didn't help much, though.

Just as his upper eyelids were about to get attached to his lower ones, he caught sight of the double doors to the operation theatre Mac was in swing open. He was immediately wide awake as he watched a surgeon enter the room, a doctor following behind.

Before any one of the two men could say anything, Jack hurried over.

"How is he?" he asked.

Both men's expression grew sombre.

"We – we're sorry," the surgeon said.

And these two words were all Jack needed for an answer.

"No way," he said. Then he chuckled, "No, this isn't true. There must be a mistake,"

The surgeon replied, "We're sorry. We tried our best…"

"I said this is a lie! There's no way he would…"

"We believe we know the difference between a living person and a dead one. And I'm sorry. Mac is dead."

The words sliced through his heart like a sharpened blade.

"No." Tears started to spill over his face. He kneeled forward, hands balling into fists on the ground. Everything around him dimmed and faded. _What have I done?_ It was all his fault – he had let the kid die.

Somewhere in the distance someone called his name, and he felt a hand on his shoulder. The environment around him darkened another notch.

Nothing could possibly change the fact now.

Then he let out the most heart-wrenching yell ever.

"Nooooo!"

"…ack…"

It was all his fault.

"Jack…"

He shouldn't have let them take him.

"Jack!"

What was the point of calling him? He couldn't do anything.

A violent shake on the shoulder.

"Jack Dalton! Wake up!"

Jack's eyes snapped open with a start, his hand grasping the arm of his chair tightly. He let out a sound between a gasp and a sob. Something cool slid down his face, and he wiped it away. Sweat?

He sniffed. Tear?

He then felt the presence of a hand on his shoulder, and his head whipped towards the right instantly. It was Patty. She looked concerned.

What the hell was that?

He looked up at the clock. 22:32.

Did any of that actually happen? Had he passed out? Or had the doctor knocked him out because he was losing it?

He searched Patty's face for any trace of sadness or tear streaks, any evidence that Mac had... He swallowed. Nothing.

So none of that happened.

A dream. A nightmare.

Or a glimpse to the future.

 _No way._

"Jack?" His boss's voice pulled him back from his thoughts.

"I, uh, I'm fine. Just a dream. No big deal," he said almost reflexively as he rubbed his aching temple absent-mindedly.

Patty didn't seem convinced, so he flashed his fakest 'I am fine' smile he could muster to her.

He straightened and cleared his throat. He couldn't help but notice the old couple sitting across him sneaking glances on him. He must've made quite a commotion.

"Jack!"

He nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned and was greeted by a familiar face. Phil. Of course. Who else? He must have been too preoccupied to hear the approaching footsteps.

"You seem a bit edgy, Jackie," Phil commented as he handed Jack his dinner.

"Quit calling me 'Jackie'. You know I don't like the sound of it," he countered. "And I'm fine," he added as an afterthought.

"You do realise you tend to say that…"

The double doors to Mac's operation theatre opened.

Jack sprang to his feet instantly.

"MacGyver's family, please," a doctor with a heavy accent called out. Behind him were one surgeon and another doctor.

The three agents scrambled over.

Jack started asking before they were addressed. "How is…" he trailed off, the events in his nightmare resurfacing.

The surgeon stepped forward.

Jack felt his heart skip a beat.

"Mr. MacGyver pulled through the surgery," he announced.

Jack was so relieved he nearly toppled over with dizziness.

"On top of his gunshot wound, he had two cracked ribs, broken left shoulder blade and _il pneumotorace_ – uh, collapsed lung. He will be having a sling of his left for the next few weeks," the doctor informed, reading from a clipboard.

" _Grazie mille._ I mean, a lot," Jack replied.

"Can we go see him now?" Phil asked.

"You can, for ten minutes or so. You may come back tomorrow to see him again. Follow me," the doctor said, gesturing for the agents to follow. "He has been moved to the ICU. He's quite stable, so he'll only stay there for two or three days,"

"Thank you."

They turned around a corner and walked down a corridor, Jack being the last. Just as the waiting room disappeared from his line of view, he caught sight of three doctors walking towards the couple. He turned his head as he slowed down slightly with the intention to know how their child was doing.

When the mother broke into tears and the father hugged her, grieve darkening his face, he believed he had an answer.

* * *

 _He looked young._

Among all those tubes and wires and machines laid his unmoving partner, looking younger than he had been when Jack had met him in Afghanistan.

 _How old was he then? 20? 21?_

Jack pushed away his thoughts and focused on the kid. He remembered the old couple and their child and shivered. Death was literally just a few feet away, and instead of taking Mac, it took their son.

Was it just a coincidence they were there?

 _Okay, Jack, you're spooking yourself._

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to barricade himself from the rest of the world. Trying not to think what would have happened if he had woken up just a second later on that cold pavement.

He could have lost him.

"Jack?"

He looked up from his seat.

Patty was standing beside him, her eyes also on the kid. Then she met his eyes. She opened her mouth, as if prepared to say something reassuring, but then closed it, turned away and sighed.

A nurse came forward.

" _Signori e signora,_ I'm afraid I have to inform you that your ten-minute visit is over. You may come back tomorrow," she said.

"Okay. Just give us a second more," Jack replied, giving her a faint smile.

She nodded and backed away.

Jack leant towards Patty and whispered, "Think you can pull some strings or use your convincing glare to let me stay here overnight?"

She gave him an appraising look.

"You should better go back to your hotel and take some rest, Jack. You need some shut-eye,"

Phil chimed in before he could protest, "No offence, Jackie, but you look like crap,"

Jack decided he was too tired to tell Phil off for calling him 'Jackie' again. He ran a hand down his face. Maybe he really should get some sleep – his headache was killing him.

"Fine, let's go," he declared. He rose and headed towards the door. The other two followed.

Jack held the door open and let them leave first, which they complied without a word.

Casting one last look at the kid, he went out and shut the door behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Published: 28/12/2018 17:07**

 **It's been a (long) while!**

 **I believe most of you must've already heard the news weeks ago – George Eads/Jack is leaving** _ **MacGyver**_ **. I don't even know what to think about this piece of news, and I dread the episode he is leaving (which is definitely 3x11). I'm not gonna talk much about this here, but if you're interested in my opinions on this topic, you can view it on the reviews column of 'Of Countdowns and Comrades' by SabbyStarlight (FanFiction Net address +** **/s/13132170/1/). Make sure you read his/her story too – it's really good.**

 **I saw some of you wrote AUs for 3x09** _ **Specimen 234 + PAPR + Outbreak**_ **and did a great job. I'm thinking maybe – just maybe – I can write one too? I can consider that, but now, I should focus on finishing this Missing Scene. I'm not going to abandon it after I've gone this far. I already had the ending planned and it'll only be a chapter or two away ;) .**

 **As for 3x10** _ **Matty + Ethan + Fidelity**_ **(Spoiler's Alert)… wow. I cried at the end, and was totally touched when Jack told Matty 'well, you know yours (your family) is right here'. This is the line I like most.**

 **I also** _ **looooove**_ **the scene when Jack mentioned Mac to stay behind him as Mac prepared to barge in the house alone. I'm definitely going to miss all the bromance and their unspoken love for each other. And of course, the scene about Mac's acrophobia is also one of my favourite.**

 **3x11** _ **Mac + Fallout + Jack**_ **. I ain't totally sure whether I should be super excited about it (I've already taken a peep at the summary… not gonna spoil it here though ;) ) or looking extremely NOT forward to it. Well, I've still got my expectancies up that this'll be a good episode. Hope it doesn't disappoint anyone!**

 ***End of Spoiler***

 **Looking forward to reading your reviews too!**

* * *

Jack couldn't sleep well that night, not just because the bed he was lying on wasn't his own one at home.

He supposed no one could sleep well after all that stuff crammed into one night.

After arriving at his hotel, Phil and he had had a few 'Forst Premium' beers and talked about their separate missions. That hadn't put his mind off things, but he had felt the need to discuss about it – to analyse the whole situation and to come up with their next move.

Phil had lightened up the mood with a few quips, which had made him feel slightly better.

They had talked and laughed until they had finished all their beers and it had been way past midnight, but the moment Phil went back to his room on a different floor all that was left with Jack was loneliness and sorrow, as if none of the talk had actually happened.

He tossed and turned around on the bed, trying to convince himself that Mac was totally fine, totally safe, there was nothing to be worried about, there was no need to rush to the hospital to check on him.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed – maybe an hour or two – when he finally fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

"… Got it. Okay, okay, good… Sure, I'll tell her… Yes, bye,"

Nikki watched nervously as Kendrick hung up and slipped the phone back into his pocket.

"Your boyfriend is alive," he announced tersely.

"Good," she replied, trying not to put as much enthusiasm and relief as she was feeling right now into the word. She had sworn complete loyalty to the man and promised she would forget her old life and start a new one.

While she waited for the next order, she caressed the dressing on her arm. The wound had already stopped bleeding since she hadn't sliced in too deep.

Sometimes you had to sacrifice a little to make the whole thing look convincing – even if it meant nearly killing someone you loved.

* * *

He felt vibrations next to him, a hum. As he slowly made his way towards consciousness, another sound joined in. The beeps were annoying, but he clutched onto the sound, pulling himself from the darkness trying to drag him back down. It was exhausting mental work.

He eventually reached the surface enough for him to feel a presence beside him. He immediately tensed. Then he realized something warm was holding his right hand, stroking it gently as he did so. Somehow he knew it was a 'he'. The soft touch and the distant monologue gradually relaxed him.

He could tell he was in a hospital. The unpleasant disinfectant smell, the hum of the machines, the beeping of the heart monitor, even the distant footsteps. But what stood out most was the scent so familiar he didn't even need to see to know who that belonged to.

Jack.

As if craving to pull him back to reality, his brain suddenly assaulted him with scenes of the mission.

Nikki.

He sprang up from the hospital bed so fast he barely had time to comprehend what he was doing.

"Wher –" he blurted out, then faltered immediately as a blinding pain erupted in his left shoulder. He coughed violently, his chest feeling like it was on fire.

He was sure he would've blacked out if it wasn't for Jack, who instantly pulled his hand from his and slid it under his back to lower him down slowly while mumbling reassuring lines. Mac couldn't even catch a syllable, but it still calmed him down and yanked him back from the edge of unconsciousness. The shrill bleeping of some irritating machines connected to him also helped.

Mac decided to set the burning questions aside for the moment to slow his breathing. It was quite shallow as he still couldn't trust his ribs with deep ones yet. The arm sling strapped across his left shoulder also didn't make it any easier.

After a few minutes, the pain in his chest finally receded into a somewhat manageable level and the world stopped spinning around him.

"Good job, pal," Jack's voice came from his right.

He gave him a weak smile and tried to speak, but what came out was a raspy wheeze, as if he hadn't used his vocal chords for days. He tried his best to stifle a cough.

Then he realized he didn't even have the slightest idea as to what day it was today. There weren't any windows he could see to tell him whether it was day or night either.

He was about to ask when a straw appeared beside his mouth. It was Jack, gesturing him to drink before he talked. He gratefully sipped the glass of water, enjoying the warm liquid soothing his searing throat.

"Thanks," he whispered to his partner, who carefully set the glass back onto the table by the bed. His voice was still scratchy, but certainly better. He caught sight of Jack's grimace as he reseated himself.

"You okay?" he asked.

The older man looked around innocently then turned back, one eyebrow raised as he pointed at himself. "What, me?"

Mac smiled. "Yeah, smart guy. I thought… one of the guys… knocked you out?" He continued to probe, though talking only this much already left him a bit breathy.

Jack chuckled. "Shouldn't _I_ be the one asking that question?" He leant forward and patted Mac on his good shoulder lightly, "Well, _I'm_ not the one who's out for almost three days, dude,"

Mac didn't say anything; he just held his friend's concerned gaze, trying to image what he'd been through while he had laid there on the hospital bed _for almost three days_.

A DXS medical staff popped out out of nowhere behind Jack, busing himself with checking Mac's vitals.

Wait.

He was in the DXS medical wing?

 _He wasn't in Italy?_

Now that he noticed it, his surroundings did seem familiar. The white-tiled ceiling, the state-of-the-art equipment, the lack of windows – he _really_ was in DXS.

His question sputtered out and broke the silence before he could stop it. "I – we're in L.A.?" Though he already knew the answer, but he still held the small hope it wasn't —

"Yes," Jack replied. He cleared his throat. "Yes, we're back on American soil, boy. What, you'd rather stay in a hospital in Italy?"

Mac ignored the banter. All the demanding questions he had wanted to ask initially were rushing back to him. "What about the bioweapon?" he queried, struggling to push himself back into the sitting position. "How about _Nikki_?" He felt the pain coming back to him at full force and sweat breaking out all over his body, but he simply couldn't bring himself to care. " _Where's Nikki?_ " he demanded when Jack didn't answer. He fought to remain upright – which had proved almost impossible with only one arm supporting him.

"Whoa, kid, slow down a bit. One thing at a time, okay? Lie back down first," his partner said, suddenly snapping back to life as he started pushing him back down.

Mac swatted his hand away. Jack was hiding something. He knew it. He tried to swallow down the thought that somewhere deep inside he knew what exactly that was.

He glared at Jack, who in return gave him an expression so complicated he couldn't understand it.

"Mac, lie back down," he ordered.

Mac at first wanted to resist, but he wavered at seeing Jack's stern countenance – something he seldom see on the older man's face. It could only mean one thing – he was dead serious, and he wasn't going to let anyone out alive if they messed with him. Mac slowly lowered himself back down, his partner helping him. He could see a few doctors standing not far away, out of earshot but would be able to rush to aid if anything happened. They knew better than to interfere or try doping Mac with sedatives to calm him down. They were sort of 'seasoned' with this kind of scene.

Jack relented the moment he settled down with a pained grimace.

"I – I'm sorry about Nikki," Jack whispered, looking down at his hands.

Part of him was grateful that Jack had told him to lie down; he definitely couldn't have held himself straight after hearing this. The revelation was a painful slap to the face.

It was so sudden he wasn't completely sure what he should say at this moment.

Or feel.

He couldn't think of anything that would accurately describe this feeling. It was complex, foreign, yet deep, deep down inside him, rooted firmly in a place so that it could start growing and spreading until it engulfed his entire being. He literally felt his heart sink to the bottom with a 'thump' that echoed.

He eventually found his voice after what seemed like a century had passed. "She…"

The sentence, or rather, word, hung in the air, unfinished.

He tried again. "You mean…"

That went uncompleted either.

Tears brimmed his eyes. He wanted to turn away from Jack, away from everyone and everything else but his shoulder was screaming in agony. He blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Jack shifted uncomfortably. He noticed Jack was holding his hand again at some point. There was the stroking, yet it was not as reassuring as it had been.

It felt cold.

Or, _he_ felt cold.

* * *

It was heartbreaking, seeing the kid so crestfallen. Jack didn't know what were the appropriate words to say to comfort him, but he knew Mac didn't want verbal comforting. Merely being there with him was enough.

The kid eventually met his eyes again, and Jack couldn't help but notice the pain within. Damn it, how many more people were going to leave this kid? Basically everyone he treasured abandoned him, one way or another. Jack silently swore he would never, ever be one of them.

"Tell me everything."

The sentence broke him out of his thoughts and he looked back down at Mac.

"I mean…" The kid's eyes wavered before refocusing back on him, this time with more resolve. "What exactly happened back there? At the… the Lake?"

Ah. The million-dollar question. To answer or not to answer.

He knew avoiding it was impossible, especially when it came to the kid, but he didn't want to break him further. Mac had already been through too much in the last… twenty minutes, from pain to hope to utter despair.

Still, the kid wouldn't let him go unless he'd got his answer.

Jack sighed. "Okay, really there wasn't much, just… I hauled your scrawny ass out of the water, and –" The image of Mac literally bathing in blood floated back into his mind. It reminded him of how close he came to losing his boy forever. He shuddered as he continued, "I – I thought you were dead, man. There was so much blood. Too much. I really didn't think…" he trailed off, tears slipping down his cheek.

"Hey," Mac whispered, slightly squeezing his hand. "I'm alive, and that's all that matters."

"Yeah." Jack looked away and wiped his tears. He turned back to face the kid. "Yeah, you're right – you lived, and that's what matters." He sucked in a big breath and slowly exhaled. It certainly made him feel better.

"So… after reviving you, there's all that ambulance and hospital stuff, and Phil –"

"Phil's here?" Mac exclaimed. Jack saw some sparkle coming back into those blue eyes and smiled. Damn it, the kid had always loved that guy. What a shame he wouldn't be here much longer – he was going to be transferred to some other government organization to help soon.

"Yup. He actually came here to see you this morning – uh, it's actually around five in the afternoon right now, FYI. Unfortunately there's another mission calling so he's now probably trapped in some rainforest trying to avoid a bunch of murderous blood-sucking ants or so."

Mac gave him a strange look. "You know –"

"No, I don't know and please don't make me go off-track." He heard the kid snicker – the best thing he'd heard in the last twenty minutes. "Uh… where was I?"

"Something 'bout ambulance?"

"Oh yeah. So the next day – mind you, we're still in Italy – I went to the scene. And…"

"You saw Nikki? I mean, the –"

"No, I didn't. The only thing I saw there was blood on the pavement, and our medical team had already checked it – it belonged to Nikki. The currents are quite strong in the lake, so… I'm sorry."

They both fell silent.

Jack knew the kid needed some space for himself to let everything sink in. As much as he hated to leave the kid, he knew that was what he wanted.

He rose up from the chair.

"So…" He checked his phone. There wasn't any message from Patty telling him to go. Anyway. "Patty's calling, and…"

"It's okay. Just go and save the world," Mac said, winking and giving him a thankful smile.

The kid knew it was a lie for him to get out of the scene (as always), but he still played along and even appreciated it.

With one last squeeze of his hand, Jack exited briskly.

* * *

Mac was glad Jack left – not that he wanted to, but right now he just needed to be alone, to compartmentalize his emotions and to let the stuff Jack just told him settle in.

He refused to take his pain meds (as usual) when the nurse approached, seeing Jack had left, to give him a shoot to his I.V. He was more than grateful the nurse merely gave him a sad, knowing smile instead of starting a tirade as to why he needed them or squeezing them into his I.V. right away, because Mac was already 24 and he could handle the pain himself, thank you very much, and he was in no mood of sleeping or feeling groggy. He did take his antibiotics though, as his immune system was still fairly compromised and it might take a while till it started functioning properly. He didn't want pneumonia on top of all those fractures.

He tried his best to stay awake. Even though he was exhausted from all the talking and concentrating, sleeping was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. Every time he shut his eyes all he could see was Nikki being shot, falling into the water while he watched and virtually did nothing. Her eyes haunted him and he didn't want to face them. He didn't want to remember them.

His gun-shot wound twinged. It still hurt a lot, but not as much as long as he stayed still and didn't accidentally breathe in too deeply. Okay, it was hurting more than ever right now, but compared to the emotional pain he was suffering, it was nothing. This was also one of the reasons why he didn't want pain meds. He wanted something to constantly remind him of his mistake. Something tangible. Something that would leave an ugly scar, on his chest, not in his heart.

The strong façade he had been fighting so hard to maintain in front of Jack crumbled, like a large chunk of ice tumbling into the sea.

It was all his fault. He was too trusting – who would ever trust a criminal?

And now Nikki was dead because of his decision. He wasn't even sure if she could be found.

His head turned towards the interior of the medical wing. The lights had dimmed to let him sleep.

The guilt was too overwhelming.

Silently, he let the tears fall.

* * *

 **Yeah, I know. A little cheesy in the middle. I hope I handled the emotional stuff right, and the boys are still in-character.**

 **I feel the need to explain why the team believed Nikki was dead, so the paragraph of her perspective and the little info from Jack.**

 **(This chapter got a little long.)  
**

 **Hope you liked it!**


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